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Bought a car 5 months back and on-time of delivery all I got was a challan from the RTO that fees have been paid to secure registration of the vehicle. Initially they told me that it would take 2 months to “make” the smart card. Well the wait has been ON for many months with little or no light at the end of the tunnel. Finally I decided to take matter into my own hands. Called up the dealer and asked them why it was taking so long. They gave me an explanation about how there is a “shortage” of smart cards in Karnataka it seem !!!!!

How preposterous would this be if it were reality. The state which levies one of the heaviest taxes in the country for new vehicle registration does not have money to buy smart cards. Then I heard stories of how the cards were not compatible with most readers. A technology which has been massively used since 1999 is still not compatible for the RTO !!! I remember the year 1999 when the same ‘super’ cards which the RTO is giving us was used as telephone calling cards. Yes in 1999 this card could be read by a device placed inside a rudimentary gadget called a public payphone. Well I guess after paying all those taxes and levies now Ill have to run around for something that ideally should have been ‘home delivered’. In the process God alone knows how many sleazy slimeballs I’ll have to meet who wants to get some ‘downpayment’ out of me.

Add this to the list woes of the stupid common man in the IT capital of India along with other incredibly stupid things like paying 4 lakhs for BWSSB water when buying an apartment all for a pipes ending through which water is not going to come at least for the next 10 years. Governance my friend …… All this is called Governance…..

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Excerpt of a conversation I had with a ‘pahadi’ friend of mine on a lazy Sunday afternoon….

“Dear friend unlike up in the mountains of India here down in the plateaus and plains we have a very different way of life….” I said making my friend look perplexed at the ‘mystery’ I was about to unravel. The life of an Indian down here is a series of checkpoints between life and death and each checkpoint is a milestone where you have ‘procured’ with great difficulty a “paper’. “A paper ???” …. Yes my friend a paper… When you are born the first paper is procured for you with great difficulty and greasing of palms by you parents it is called a ‘birth certificate’. That is the first milestone. From there on you are on your own on the quixotic journey of accumulating all the “right papers at the right times”. Then comes the all important 10th Standard certificate your gateway to greatness as it is made out to be.

Once you graduate into a college lad with all the right papers (10th Std 99%, Pre-Univ 80%) you begin the systematic accumulation of ‘mark sheets’. This is so deeply ingrained that in India when you fail a college term examination you don’t say you “failed an examination” you say “I lost a PAPER !!!! “. The importance of the word paper here cannot be over-emphasized. After the acquisition of all requisite papers from college (by which time you’ve spend 21 yrs of your life at it and it kind of makes you a veteran) you are expected to get the all important “Offer letter” the culmination of 21 years of “doing the right things”. Once you’ve got that then you proceed to get the easiest paper in life from you Government; the PAN card. Now this is the only paper that you don’t really have to ‘work for’ in India. Its more of less shoved down your throat with absolutely no greasing of palms or burning the midnight oil just because that registers you for payment of taxes

Now begins a lull period of 3-4 yrs where get some leisure time to indulge in some pleasures like drinking, smoking (cigarettes/ pot if you may like) and chasing some fine lassies. This is the calm before the storm because if the journey this far took 21 yrs; the ‘second innings’ is going to take the next 40 years….

Then comes your ‘grand wedding’ and you get a partner to accompany you in this quixotic adventure. The second innings begins with the marriage certificate which requires some major “down payments” because hey its a paper that makes not one but two people and the union thereof legit right…. Once this is done life becomes a blur or paperwork… BSNL landlines, birth certificates for your children, Form 16′ns, various bank statements and over and above all this the GOD of all Indian papers…. ” THE GAS CONNECTION PAPER”. Its only once you’ve acquired this particular paper do you become a person of any considerable repute in your family/society. This paper has so much social significance that people invest enough time/effort to acquire up to 3 connections (1 of which is legal and 2 which are ‘borderline’ illegal). A person with 3 of those ‘beauties’ gets the place a honor at all social occasions. He walks into a marriage and the junta makes way for the ‘great celebrity’ who has 3 of ‘those’. There are hushed whispers of wonder as he passes by. The mothers with 10 year old daughters are eyeing his son as a possible alliance after 15 years because the daddy has ’3 of those’. The Gas connection is like a trump card silently placed on the table when an alliance is being worked out for your daughter… (Yes, strange are the ways of people in the plains of India).

In India we even have a celebrated law (called the RTI) which not only gives you access to papers you are entitled to but also papers that are only for “Govt’s eyes”. I mean how cool is that.

Then there are the parallel ‘certificates’ that you keep accumulating like FD deposits in banks, the property certificates, the khata’s A, B, C, D…. etc etc all adding to social stature. And then one fine day when you are a grand old behemoth who’s got all the “PAPERs” ; you die and the last paper you accumulate just like the first one is acquired for you by your children. Its called the death certificate and the only reason they would bother to get that for you is not so that they make your ‘portfolio of papers’ complete but rather because its kind of required to get the LIC money.

Finally you yourself become a ‘piece of paper’ framed and hung on an old wall. With a garland of flowers (invariably plastic) that is only if you’ve been good to your children.

Plagiarizing what Robert Frost said….

The city is misery, gray and bleak.

But I have promises to keep…

And papers to get before I die, and papers to get before I die…

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Many people might not know this interesting factoid; but the small southern state of kerala in India has the highest per capita consumption of rum in asia. Every Onam the citizens of this state consume run to the tune of 100′s of crores of rupees. The questionable practice however is that in kerala retail sale of liquor is the exclusive preserve of the Govt. of Kerala and its beverages corporation. The question however is this; is it morally right for a Govt to involve time and effort in the sale of a ‘social vice’ like this?

In a state like Kerala where development, business and infrastructure have never had a front seat this is the biggest revenue generator. It puts our children in schools, builds our hospitals and roads. Inspite of this the question is should the Govt not restrict itself to taxing the sale of liquor without actually getting into the business of selling this? The downside of this is that the sale of this is not a respectable spectacle in Kerala. Retail outlets are shady joints where people queue up for ‘rations’.

States like Karnataka, which only tax this business but allow private players to operate this business has a different story to tell. Today you have respectable liquor outlets neatly maintained like supermarkets where customers can go and make a purchase. Customers get access to quality brands both native and foreign. It is high time the Govt. of Kerala stopped relying on this ‘business’ to fill its coffers and look at enhancing the business eco-system, inviting private equity into the state through other avenues like manufacturing, IT, banking and finance. Atleast this would give the people of kerala the opportunity to stay and earn within their state. Unlike today where most educated malayalees are in diaspora  because there is no opportunity for them to earn a respectable living in Kerala.

If the Govt of Kerala is making hundrends of crores selling liquor they are losing hundreds of crores in terms of direct taxes because their high earning citizens are paying that money to other state governments today. As long as repeated Govts are satisfied with ‘easy money’ and not focused on long term development of this state, it will always be a pain the ass to run business in kerala (like it is today) because its a captive economy. Kerala will become a ‘pensioners state’ because the young earning population don’t have the opportunity to stay in their native state with their ailing parents and family.

Happy Onam to all….

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Well like I always to on every independence day; introspect. Today after an hours of news media assault on a ‘bribe bandh’ campaign. I was forced to think of why and when a middle class person like me would be forced to pay a bribe. In most cases it would be to gain ‘access’ to the state machinery. So ultimately a ‘bribe bandh’ campaign does not help the situation if the state machinery remains ‘out of reach’ to the common man.

Often when i step into a govt office I see a lot of people who stand at the entrance lobby looking…. confused. No idea as to where to go who to ask what to do. Finally they muster up the courage to go and talk to a person and pat comes an unhelpful reply usually rude and conversation-stopper. Take the case of when I once went to the BSNL office in Jayanagar Bangalore to enquire about get a micro SIM card. As usual I take a moment at the doorstep of the govt office to throw my education, culture and decency away to prep myself for the interaction. I went up to the lady at the counter and enquired and she simply said ‘Not available’. Thats it. Nothing more. I asked her when should I come back to check on it. She replied, “I don’t know”. Had the employee taken a moment to think of how much help she was being to this person who came with a query she would have realized that she had done NOTHING to help me. Well if you know NOTHING about the service you are sitting there to render the “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SITTING AT THE COUNTER…..”

This is the problem with abolishing bribes. Now i don’t know whether she was expecting me to grease palms for mere information let alone the final product but I walked out of there because it was not a ‘core necessity’ of my life. Think of the case where it was a family head trying to apply for an APL ration card just so that he could get a gas connection; what would he have done? What could he have done? He might have resorted to palm greasing because its a question of putting bread on the table for his wife and children. Rooting out bribery is one thing but imagine if services were not rendered after that. It would drive the common man against the wall with no escape. So this too must be tackled at all levels.

I’ve been a citizen living in Bangalore for the past 7 years. Till date I’ve never got access to basic rights of citizens like a ration card, a voters id, a telephone connection, a gas connection. If an educated well to do person like me cannot scale these ‘state barriers’ what would happen to the other poorer sections of society with ‘limited means’. The only thing that the state HAS given me though is the PAN card. So now you know why lofty speeches from Red Forts don’t blow up the skirt of most citizens and why Anna Hazare has so much support even though the process is against parliamentary democracy. The aam admi is marginalized, victimized and taumatized….

Happy 64th Independence Day

 

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I’ve been watching the political drama unfolding in Karnataka for the past few days and in the midst of all the analysis and counter-analysis happening on 24×7 news channels I took a moment to step out of the frame and look at it from the ‘whats in it for me as a common man’ angle… The things that one realizes if you step back and take a look at is vital to citizens.

Firstly, the office of chief minister by definition is a position that holds the responsibility to ‘serve and protect the interests and welfare of the states citizens’.  So while media was analyzing Yedyurappa’s exit strategies what struck me was the scramble for the seat by ‘eligible’ candidates and the power play involved in that. Should I see this as an unquenchable thirst in these candidates to ‘server the people and guard their welfare’ ? I mean if you are so ardent about serving to the point it kills you why don’t you go help out serving lunch the mid-day meal scheme in schools or any of the myriad other ways in which you can serve society. By very nature of the means by which potential successors are going about the business of getting to the CM’s seat shows that they view this as a BIG ‘office of PROFIT’ so net-net

ONLY THE PERSON SITTING IN CM CHAIR WILL CHANGE. PROGRAM REMAINS THE SAME

In the past 3 years BJP has ruled this state and the Congress has ruled at the center but my life has NOT CHANGED one bit for the better by any of their actions. That is my personal report card for both these parties. All the other talk of thousands of crores ‘on paper’ don’t mean sh*t to me as long as it doesn’t get spend for the welfare of common citizens like us. The 2 gang of goons have done NOTHING to make our lives any better. So for all the political rhetoric that Manish Tiwari and Ravi Shankar Prasad engages in Sir’s you bot can STUFF IT UP YOU **** cos people no longer give a ****

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Today 13th July 2011 mumbai succumbed to another terror strike in broad daylight. Lives lost, many injured. Today was cause for us to reflect on what has changed since 26/11. The govt went on the defensive yet again. We never pursued the perpetrators of 26/11 to a definitive closure. We played by the book. What did it achieve for us? Yet another “Wednesday”.

This has got to STOP. We cannot win this war by being on the defensive. We need to hunt and kill this virus. We cannot go back to that archaic crap doctrine that we are a democracy and we have the “law of the land” which gets perverted by the way everyday in our courts of law to aid the rich and powerful. We have a classic example of the the worlds “oldest democracy” the US…. What did they do… It took them 10+ years but hell yes when they finally caught the bastard they didn’t seek to extradite him from the Pakistan. They didn’t give him a “fair trial”…. what DID THEY DO? They put a fuckin bullet in his head and sunk him at sea. Now that is what men who mean business do.

Unfortunately today India we don’t have statesmen. We have pansy ball-less politicians. This will go on until the time we have “men in skirts” as the powers that be…. The only thing i can think of watching our citizens’ plight is……. “IF YOU WANT TO SHOOT… SHOOT…. DON’T TALK”.

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My colleague today showed me the price break up of a “luxury apartment” on bannerghatta road Bangalore. I was shocked to see a cost item saying BESCOM and BWSSB charges as 4.8 lakhs !!!! This is a property that was launched 4 years back still in the doldrums. A quick arithmetic is that if there are 100 dwelling units in this complex we Are talking about 4.8 crores for getting electricity and water. If this is an amount going to these govt establishments then that looks like an obscene amount of money to pay for 2 basic necessities of life. I mean wasn’t there this concept called welfare state once upon a time?

Now if this amount is going predominantly to the builders pockets or as bribes then this is plain old daylight robbery. From my past months hunting for homes in bangalore, i feel builders in this city are relying on the ‘collective stupidity’ of IT professionals investing cash in their projects. So be careful where you invest is the only saving mantra.

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There is this experiment that I do on a periodic basis; it consists of me holding the door for a person (lady or guy) who is a stranger and then watching what their reaction is to it. Well anywhere else in the world it wouldn’t be much of an experiment because they would enter/exit, thank the person who held the door and both parties go their ways. But NOT in India. Well here the twist is whenever I hold the door for a person 90% of the times they walk through and don’t even bother to thank; like I’m some ghost they can’t see. The other 10% of times if 2nd party is a lady I get a stare that kinda asks me “What you gonna do next? Molest me?”

Well its kinda disheartening that chivalry is not appreciated here. Maybe people are not used to others being ‘nice’ to them but if you’re reading this and the next time someone calls a lift of holds the door for you feel free to thank him/her. Don’t worry its perfectly acceptable behavior in our culture too. ….. (breaking news for the day)

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The recent saga of fuel price hikes by the UPA government left me wondering how the fuel price would offset my personal budget….

A tangential thought occurred to me this morning; over the years automotive manufacturers have pumped in millions of dollars into engine research to make engines that are more fuel efficient. This is critical for them to remain competitive in the markets. A vehicle which has lower running costs makes for an impressive sales pitch in comparison to one that is a fuel guzzler. It takes years of expensive research to squeeze out those extra miles of a litre of fuel. Just when you have made some progress on this front…..bang the politicians raise the price of fuel (though they claim they have no hand in it) and overnight the effect/benefit of years of meticulous research in engine development has been nullified as far as the consumer is concerned.

The is a consensus view among all that the Govt could have lowered the sales taxes levied on fuel to curb the price rise. Considering that its almost 80% of total cost in states like Karnataka but Govt’s seldom take that route. There might be fickle arguments like saying it would severly impact budget deficits but hey…. Our central govt has coughed up obscene sums of money when required out of the same budget. Case in point the commonwealth games where budgets overshot by 300% or more. So the argument is invalidated. Everyone knows that today India is a rich country where a lot of poor people live.

My advice is catch a few Raja’s and Kalmadi’s every year to buffer you budget and then cutting sales tax on fuel; reducing income tax et al would be a breeze.

“But hey… How’s it possible to catch a Raja and a Kalmadi every year ????”

Trust me with upto 552 members in a Lok Sabha and an election every 5 years; I think we can find candidates for like eternity

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